The Scientist
by Miss Nostalgia
Summary: "Take me back to the start, please. It's all I've been asking." Jess asked. The question is, will that chance be given to him?
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Bridge to Terabithia or 'The Scientist'. They belong to their respective owners.

* * *

**Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry**

**You don't know how lovely you are**

Five long years.

For him, everything seemed to have happened just yesterday. It was like a dream of sorts. A nightmare he so badly wanted to wake up from.

It took him five years to finally realize that he was in love – with her. Only her.

Leslie Burke.

A name so sacred, so pure that he could not dare utter it without feeling the pain and guilt he had been carrying as his cross for the past five years. Her laughter, taunts, everything about her haunted him. She was so enigmatic that he was ready to die for her, even at such a tender age. Jess didn't feel that his life was worth living for.

He loved to visit her at night, because it would be the only time where he felt like both of them were at Terabithia. He would just lie next to her, talk as if she was still there to talk to back, and feel as if he could feel her skin next to him. He didn't care if anyone would see him and call him a psycho. For his beloved Leslie Burke, he'd be willing to become one.

He wondered why, pondered upon why tears weren't enough to wash the guilt away. _If only I had been there Les…_ But he wasn't. He was at some other place with someone else, enjoying the afternoon, the afternoon he should have spent with Leslie, and not her. Not that he blamed Ms. Edmunds for inviting him, he blamed himself. He already had that gut feeling before they left that something was going to happen, yet he just shrugged it off because he didn't want to spoil their 'date' as he remembered describing it. He should have been there when she fell, that way she should have been here. Alive, healthy, with him.

"I'm sorry," he said with a cracked voice, "I know every apology I make is fucking useless. It won't bring you back. It won't change what happened." He said with utmost sincerity, guilt, pain and remorse in his voice. Leslie would have slapped his arm for using profanity, just like what she did when he mentioned something about the weather bureau.

He touched her tombstone. So cold and so empty, just like him. He was alive, breathing, just like everyone else, but to him, he was just a mere reminder of what was once his human self. He was dead, just like her. He was the living dead, in literal sense. All he felt was anger and devastation.

He got a picture from his wallet, one that had him and her. They had such happy faces. They were so young and innocent back then… Yet that innocence was taken from her just too soon. "Of all the girls, of all people, why did it have to be you? Oh Leslie… I'm sorry I never told you how pretty, no, _beautiful_ you were. And I bet you still are."

He wanted to see her giggle and blush, but that would never happen.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I'll never own Bridge to Terabithia and The Scientist.

* * *

**I had to find you, tell you I need you,**

**Tell you I set you apart**

Mary Aarons had always been worried about her son. Sometimes, she acted like she didn't care. Truth was, she had _genuine_ care for all her children, just that she didn't want to show it, Jack Aarons made her. He wanted their children to be independent, not to be treated like they were still babies. It would spoil them. But, after the death of their son's best friend – the only friend that they had ever seen him with – things had changed.

Jess often sought comfort in the woods – Terabithia as they had called it. It was a sanctuary of peace and serenity, something only she and their kingdom could give. They tried, tried hard to help Jess move on. They even brought him to a psychologist, but it didn't help. He was the only one who could help himself, but how can the wounds heal when he doesn't even want them to?

Five years had been a really long time, yet the memories were still intact, so fresh like he was watching a movie play itself on a channel countless times. Jess remembered how fast he ran, how hard he tried to believe that it would bring her back. _Maybe, if I just tried harder, it would have…_

Even Terabithia's magic couldn't do anything.

* * *

"Jesse?" May Belle called out. "Are you there?" She tried once more.

No one replied. _He must be out in the woods again_.

At a young age, May Belle could feel her brother's sorrow. She too had once blamed herself for what had happened to Leslie, something that she had said about the devil and how one's soul would go to hell if one didn't read the bible. That had been such a childish thought, but coincidental enough because she died a few days after that was mentioned. Did Leslie die because of that? No, of course, May Belle wasn't too much of the little girl she used to be to be convinced of that. It simply had been Leslie's time to go.

May Belle tried to be the queen her brother wanted her to be, but she couldn't outweigh Leslie. Leslie was like a goddess on earth, her brother worshipped her. May Belle acted on her brother's instructions on how a queen should talk and act, but still, it wasn't enough to get Jess move on. May Belle knew that Jess just used her as a distraction, but it just frustrated him more.

She got her jacket and crept down the stairs slowly so to not wake anyone up. Looking at her watch, it read three o'clock. May Belle started to wonder why Jess would always go out at around three in the morning.

Upon reaching her destination, May Belle saw him kneeling in front of something. _What is it?_ She asked herself. She made careful and cautious steps so he wouldn't notice her and freak out. When she finally got a clear view, it was like a stand made up of wooden planks. A bouquet of roses on top of it and a wreath with _Nothing Crushes Us_ written in gold paint.

_It's today…_

The thirteen year old finally realized that today was her fifth death anniversary. _How fast time flies_, she thought. _Yet not that fast to erase his pain_.

She looked for a spot where she could sit and observe what Jess was going to do next. When she found one, unfortunately it started to rain. She suddenly made a surprised noise but fortunately it didn't startle Jess, because he didn't seem to hear it. Despite the raindrops cascading down Jess' cheeks, May Belle could still see the tears.

"I'm sorry. Leslie, I – please… Why? I've been asking the same goddamn question for five years. Why?" He began to cry, the words that had followed were inaudible for May Belle. Without noticing, tears began to stream down her own face. She couldn't do anything to take that sorrow away from him, no matter how much she wanted.

Jess stood up and ran. It startled May Belle that she automatically started running after him. He was a fast runner, she knew that well. She almost gave up, but he suddenly stopped and fell on his knees.

"Leslie…" he started, and cried like a little boy who was separated from his mother. "I… I have to find you… Come back to me… Leslie, please, I need you. I need you, it's hard. This is torture. You are torturing me Leslie… I don't know what to do anymore. I can't think straight anymore. I tried to pretend that I could live without you… that I have moved on, but can't they see? I CAN'T! You're haunting me Les… Every single day, every breath that I breathe is punishment. You should be the one breathing that breath. We should've entered middle school and high school together with stupid smiles plastered on our faces. I should be having trouble with bullies and you should be helping me out," he stopped talking for a moment and sobbed. It was such a cold, cold morning. The rain got harder, May Belle scooted a little closer.

"I – I should have asked you out... We should have been dating right now, that is, if you were going to say yes," he said, letting out a small laugh, "I would have asked you out on all the school's dances. God. I love you so much Leslie… So much that it's driving me crazy."

May Belle wondered if Jess' heart still had the chance of healing. She had never seen someone so in love before. She had never seen someone still emotionally attached to someone who had been dead for five years. Leslie Burke had put a spell on her brother without even knowing it.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own and will never own Bridge to Terabithia and The Scientist.

* * *

**Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions,**

**Oh lets go back to the start**

May Belle Aarons, 13, as young as one could ever be, had realized what true love is – from her brother's sorrow. That episode at Terabithia was something she couldn't fathom to forget. It was such a painful site, something she wanted to shield her eyes from. She had never seen Jess so broken before. Jess wasn't overtly emotional before, even if he was all by himself and stayed alone in his room, she had never heard him cry. Everyone in brood, except for her, ignored Jess. Brenda and Ellie were like the two wicked stepsisters from Cinderella; Joyce Ann would be a brat sometimes, and May Belle? She was just May Belle, apart from that, she was her brother's sidekick. Good ol' May Belle was second to how Jess knew what love was, Leslie was first of course.

May Belle always thought if Jess had secret – she had. Everyone kept secrets… Maybe even God kept secrets too. Maybe Leslie's death was a secret? What was her purpose actually? He took her far too early, she had so much ahead of her yet everything was taken from her in a snap of a rope. _That damned rope_, she gritted her teeth. Leslie was the sister she always hoped for, yet she too was taken from her. That damned rope which had connected reality and fantasy – something his brother had emotionally relied on. It was his haven. His and Leslie's haven.

* * *

Jess never returned that morning. May Belle knew their mother was going to worry about them, so she decided to go home and just leave Jess for a while. She knew him well enough that he'd come back eventually. He just needed time to breathe, almost likely because he almost forgot to.

Jess woke feeling really cold. He was shivering. He felt so wet, and when he looked at himself, his clothes plastered on him. He remembered the events from last night. How bad he wanted to kill himself and get everything over with so he could be with her in someplace else, but he knew that wouldn't be the answer – at least not yet.

He slowly rose up and took his shirt off, or else it would only worsen the coldness he was feeling. At 17, Jess' body wasn't that of the 12 year old boy he used to be – he had a well toned body. It was because he was always helping his father out, part of his daily regimen to distract himself. It was beneficial, since he had a nice body and became stronger.

Jess at first thought it was just his imagination. He never thought that he had actually ran this far and deeper into the woods. He had never been at this part of Terabithia ever.

What stood before him was a large cave. _How in the world did this cave exist here?_ He asked himself. He was dumbfounded. He and Leslie used to explore Terabithia before, deeper he thought maybe, but they had never encountered this cave. It was like this cave suddenly popped out of nowhere. Then again, he figured that he might as well take a look.

As he entered the cave, it was like he felt as if he was being embraced. He couldn't explain the feeling, but it was like a huge blanket of comfort was wrapped all over him. He felt so safe, so warm like that fuzzy feeling he used to feel back when she was still arrive and around him, and loved… It was like he felt her presence. The feeling was really overwhelming. He had goosebumps, but not from feeling scared, but because he felt such a strong presence – Leslie.

"Leslie?" he called out. "Leslie? A-are you here?" he asked out. All he felt as a response was a cool breeze that caressed the nape of his neck, as if to say _yes_.

The direction of the wind blew past him, leading him further into the cave. His mouth gaped when he saw something he hadn't expected to see in a cave like that. He jumped over a few pile of rocks blocking the way and stumbled upon things he didn't fathom to see.

A stack of books.

Books, notebooks, pictures. Those were what he saw. A tear escaped from his eye as he felt the pain all over again. What were her things doing here? Did she…? That was when it struck him – Leslie had been here. He felt a little sad, wondering why she had never brought him or just told him about this place, but that doesn't matter. It wasn't like she was still alive to apologize and do an explanation. Leslie worshiped books, there wasn't a single day that he saw her without one. Novels were her favorite, especially those that were about adventures and love.

Jess took a look of the notebooks that were piled neatly. He couldn't believed they were still like that for five years. Leslie was a neat freak, and she definitely brought that trait even out here. Jess took one of the notebooks and started reading its contents. Most of the writings were poems, about love to be exact. In her poems, she wrote about unrequited love and how she badly wanted to tell him her feelings. _I wonder who that lucky bastard is_, Jess thought to himself. It couldn't be him. He was just a little farmer boy back then.

He took another notebook and flipped a few more pages until something caught his attention: his name. Why would Leslie write his name? Leslie's father had told him that she loved him. Friendly love, he thought. Totally platonic.

But then... Leslie had scribbled something else.

_I love you... Jess Aarons. Not as a friend, but... something deeper than that... Do you love me too? I wonder..._

"Oh Leslie... I love you so much," he said as tears welled up in his eyes. He hugged the notebook he was holding, as if his life depended on it. Jess had felt something back then, but he just shrugged the feeling off. Oh how he regretted those actions.

"If only I could go back and start all over again, I would."


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own and will never own Bridge to Terabithia or The Scientist.

* * *

**Running in circles, Comin' in tails**

**Heads on a science apart**

Thirteen years had passed.

Everyone had become successful. Brenda and Ellie married, May Belle became a lawyer, Joyce Ann pursued her dream of becoming an actress… And him? He never married, never had a girlfriend. He spent all his time drawing, making illustrations for children's books. He was quite famous actually, but that fame didn't matter to him. None of it mattered. As long as he was able to finish the job, meet the deadlines, he would be fine. It was the same routine he did the first time he got employed when he was twenty-two years old.

Jess Aarons lived alone in his apartment, with a dog that was the same breed as P.T. Sometimes he would think to himself why he hadn't taken his own life when he was younger, that way he wouldn't be suffering this much. But he thought that this suffering only served him right: it would be the price he'd pay for her death. He deserved to suffer so much more than she did.

Jess made quite a lot of money. A lot of famous writers sought for his services. He was indeed a very talented illustrator. Especially when it came to stories with tragic endings, ones that needed illustrations, Jess always did his best when it came to that, all because he could relate well.

Jess lived a life of seclusion. He wasn't antisocial or something, but he was never fond of company. The only visitor he ever received and would receive was the sister closest to him, May Belle. After Leslie passed away, it was May Belle whom he tried to name as Leslie's successor. There were a lot of differences. May Belle wasn't as imaginative as she was, wasn't quirky and smart as she had been. She just wasn't Leslie at all. He obviously had forced himself to turn his own little sister into someone she couldn't become, and what kind of brother was he to have done such a thing?

There were always times – times when a sharp pang of pain and guilt would suddenly smack his face and wipe him out from reality. He would lie on his bed, kick the sheets and scream at the top of his lungs. Tear-stained pillows would be the next thing he'd notice. He hadn't recovered, hadn't moved on. He had _no_ right to move on, _at all_. If it was like that, like this repeating itself countless times, why couldn't he bring himself to just get his gun, pull the trigger and finally put everything to an end?

_No, no, no! I just can't escape this by killing myself… BUT IT'S DRIVING YOU TO DAMN INSANITY AARONS! _He would think of these words whenever he was plagued by his nightmares. He didn't have someone to tell it to, not that he wanted to.

"If there's a God, then why did he take such an innocent and pure life?" Jess asked himself. He stopped believing in God and going to church a year after Leslie's death. There was simply no point in doing so… Praying wouldn't help him get her back.

Nothing can ever bring her back. No. Not God, not his feelings, not his love, not anything. It was simply just the time to stop… And finally give everything up.

He contemplated on his plan for a few days. Yes, there would be a lot of people who'll miss him dearly; his relatives, his fans, and most of all, May Belle. Yet, they would eventually heal in time, unlike him. They will remember him as a mere memory of a boy who had a tragic childhood but lived to tell his tale.

And soon, it would be his tale that they would live to tell…


End file.
